The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
