I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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