I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
