I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
