yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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