if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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