I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
