My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
