No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
