I puked a lego.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
