I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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