capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
