She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
cat food counts as protein by the way
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
