Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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