the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
