Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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