I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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