wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
