Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
