is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
