there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
