Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
