He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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