wanna go halves on a baby?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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