Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
