who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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