i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
