Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
