I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
