You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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