I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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