apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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