Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
