Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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