U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
