so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize