I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
