I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
