No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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