He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
