I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
whose parrot is this?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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