I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
