remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
