WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
