I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
