Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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