I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
