I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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