I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
