dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
