no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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