I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
