I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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