so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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