so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I touched a dick in church today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
