i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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