I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
