put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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