Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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